Monday, March 25, 2013

Imperfection In Life Has Molded Me For Who I Am

I came from a broken family but it has somehow molded me to become who I am today. It's a fact I do not have a "perfect" family & I have learnt to accept it when my mother decided to bring me over to Singapore for studies when I was very young. I left my father I used to adore & respect. I was sad & afraid because I have no siblings to talk to or anyone to consult what was going on between them. After all, I was told not to meddle too much into the adult's affair.

All I knew was my mother worked very hard to raise the money in order to bring me over & left me in a home to stay with a bunch of other foreign kids. I was only 8 years old then & I remembered clutching tightly to a new doll my mother bought for me days before I was sent to live in that student hostel. I thought it was just a temporarily arrangement but after a few days no one came to fetch me home. Reality sunk in & I realised I'm really going to start a new life for good.

Just like that, I stayed there for a good 7 years without parents by my side. My mother fetched me to stay overnight with her once a week or once every fortnightly so that we were able to spend time together. Learning to be independent at a young age has molded me to become more decisive, more defensive & more protective of myself living in that kind of environment. I did not feel much difference from other kids except I did not have a father figure to guide me, to coach me, to talk to when I had so many "Whys" during my growing up years. I have learnt to accept it when I found out my father has remarried & formed his "happy family" without us. 

Over the years, I did ask my mum why she wanted to sacrifice so much for me. She could have just left me back there for good & started her own life afresh without me. She told me she was worried that I might be neglected & bullied by other people. She was worried one day I might become a delinquent if I was not under proper supervision. She was worried my future will be in a mess if I did not study hard. She was worried one day I might be ill-treated by a step-mother if my father happened to remarry one day. She was worried because I'm her only child.

The only consolation is I still have my mother by my side who is still worrying for me on all the small matters. Without her, I would not have the chance to study abroad & broadened my horizon. On some days, we did have our differences but I have learnt to let go & gave in to her whenever I recalled how much she has sacrificed for me.   


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6 comments:

  1. Wow what a wonderful mum the mum is! Independent at 8? Gosh you are amazing! Big hugs, mummy A!

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  2. Learning independent at 8 is really not easy. You are great!

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  3. I can't imagine an 8 year old being so independent on her own! You go girl! :)

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